A home birth in Phoenix, Arizona. Photographed by Carey Lauren Photos & Film

As told by mama, Samantha.

Disclaimer: Long birth story ahead, that doesn’t necessarily fit the positive, redemptive home birth mold, but is my truth.

Monday September 13th, my due date, I had a prenatal appt where I opted to have another cervical check to see if my ongoing prodromal labor (4+ weeks) had made any progress and honestly also welcomed irritating the area to possibly jump start things. Baby had moved down a little more but not much change. Tuesday the 14th I woke up and had some bloody show, which made me super excited!! I did all the positions and ball bouncing throughout the day. Had my normal contractions but nothing different. Went to bed and like normal they went away.

Two days later - Thursday September 16th, I woke up to a ton of mucous discharge, way more than normal. I knew my body was prepping and honestly was ready for that day to be the day. I did some further research on castor oil and discussed with my husband. I did not want to take much and didn’t want to make myself super sick or stuck on the toilet, so I settled on JUST one tablespoon of castor oil and about 8 oz of pineapple and orange juice. I mixed it all up and drank it around 11:00am. After that I got out a hydrating face mask and took a long and relaxing epsom salt bath. Then, took a full shower and took my time getting all the way ready (which made me feel awesome!).

Around 2:00pm I picked up my daughter from school. I was having contractions that were starting to be noticeable. My husband picked up our son from school at 3:00 and when he came back I told him I didn’t think I should drive to take my daughter to cheer. He took her and I spent time doing the miles circuit and hip circles on my yoga ball. There was no doubt the contractions were different than the ones I had been having, I was certain it was happening. I spent a couple hours alone upstairs just relaxing through them and using the yoga ball.

Then I reached out to my wonderful doula and midwife to let them know what was going on. My midwife wanted me to eat and lay down but by then the contractions were already too rough to lay down through them. After timing everything for awhile and sending it out, I came downstairs around 8:00pm to try to eat a small peanut butter sandwich and banana. I did that and put my kids to bed, having to stop every few minutes to lean over and get through a contraction. Just before 9:00pm I felt I wasn’t coping at all with the contractions and asked my doula to head over. They were different than my first two labors. They felt like they were going through every single nerve in my back. It was only the beginning and I told my husband if we were at the hospital I would have already gotten an epidural. I was feeling nervous and scared that it was already so intense and painful. I knew I needed to relax and breathe through the contractions and I couldn’t. It also didn’t help that my midwife was definitely doubting me and did not think I was in labor.

My doula arrived and I instantly felt safer that she was there. I gave her my midwife’s number to update her as I could not anymore. I labored in our room and then we curb walked as well to pick things up. Once we came back up the only way I could handle contractions somewhat was on my knees leaned over my yoga ball. My husband started some hip squeezes but things were crazy intense and painful and I was scared. I jumped in the shower and was vocalizing through contractions and my legs were shaking. I felt like I couldn’t take any more. My doula tried to give me my yoga ball to sit on in the shower due to my shaking but I tried and couldn’t sit on it. I got out of the shower and leaned over the yoga ball some more but by then my knees were killing me. My husband stepped in with hip squeezes which were such a huge help. I was trying to low moan but felt tears wallowing as I felt like my body was ripping apart. Before I knew it I was crying and saying again we should go to the hospital.

My doula assured me I was doing great and could get through this. While I really didn’t believe her I kept pushing on. By now it was more like yells and screams through the contractions rather than the low moans I knew what I needed to be doing, but I couldn’t control it.

I got in the birth tub and felt so much relief from the warm water. After awhile I felt like my contractions were slowing. Getting out of the tub was the absolute last thing I wanted to do but I felt like I should. I got out and tried to do Miles Circuit on the bed as my knees couldn’t handle the floor anymore. I was able to relax between contractions and my doula and husband got a little sliver of rest as well. I was so tired. I tried to move to exaggerated side lying to get some rest but one contraction in that and I completely lost it. Worst pain ever! After it was over I climbed out of bed and said ‘absolutely not!!’ and asked to get back in the tub.

I heard my doula telling my midwife she should get there. I asked my husband to put on trunks and get in the birth tub with me. He jumped right in and continued hip squeezes which at this point weren’t helping at all but I told him not to stop.

After awhile, around 2:00am the water started to cool so my husband boiled some water to put in the tub. As he finished pouring in the first pot and went downstairs to get more I looked at my doula and said ‘He’s coming! Right now!!’ and at that moment the water bag started bulging out (I had to ask her to tell me what it was as I had never experienced that before). She yelled for my husband to come up and asked him if he was ready to catch his baby as the midwife wasn’t there yet.

I started pushing (as best I could) and the midwife showed up. I had to rotate for her to get a better view which was super difficult as I felt basically paralyzed from the pain at this point. With my first two babies I pushed for only minutes. This time, I yelled and screamed at the top of my lungs and pushed for an hour and a half on my knees leaning over the edge of the tub. It was exhausting and scary and frustrating.

Finally, he started to crown. The ring of fire was welcome because I knew he was coming but was also excruciating for me. He had at least one hand up on his head as well which didn’t help. Once his head was out I was just screaming for them to get him out. I knew I wasn’t getting the peaceful delivery I had pictured but I couldn’t take it any longer. My midwife wanted me to lift my right leg into a lunge to open things up but I could not move. She pulled him out and I pushed and at 3:32am he was born, crying immediately. I flipped over, she handed him to me and just like that, it was over. Instant relief and disbelief and love. I instantly came back to life. My husband couldn’t believe his eyes and instantly teared up which was probably my favorite moment. They lifted us out of the tub and the rest is history.

Being home after birth was such an amazing experience. I had so much time to snuggle my baby in bed before he was measured, weighed, etc. I had some excessive bleeding and had to receive pitocin after delivery but overall it was so much better than being stuck at the hospital. Our newest baby was by far my largest at 8 pounds 2 oz but for the first time I had no episiotomy/tear or stitches which has made healing so much easier

Honestly, it wasn’t the birth I had envisioned and longed for. It took me a couple of days to process how it went and come to terms with it. I did all the prep work of learning breathing techniques, positions, hypnobirthing apps, wrote out my affirmations, set up my birth space, and watched a million birth videos. The extreme pain made all that go out the window but in the end, I did it!! I birthed my baby at home and in a birth tub naturally with my husband by my side like I wanted! I received my birth photos back which I thought I would hate (based on how i pictured it all in my head) but I loved them so much. They made me smile and cry and also made me feel like the total badass warrior that I was. I am so grateful that I had Carey by my side, cheering me on, and capturing such amazing photos of a huge moment in our lives. I am forever grateful ❤️

Wanna have your birth photographed too? Maybe some hip squeezes by yours truly? Let’s chat about your birth.

Carey is a birth doula, photographer and videographer in Phoenix, Arizona and attending births all over the valley including Peoria, Scottsdale, Paradise Valley, Avondale, Goodyear, Chandler, Mesa, Gilbert & Queen Creek.